Suspended in Time
I had initially thought of doing this series in June I think. But the motivation to actually execute it was lacking. I felt stuck, suspended. In my life professionally, personally and in every way that one could be stuck.
My insides feel like static, the kind you saw on cable tv but darker, noisier, surrounding me, swallowing me. The noise i hear is of the other side, the happier and motivated side. The side where 25 year olds are doing things that make their close ones glow with pride. Am I making anyone I know glow? I’m don’t even try to navigate the static, I’m immobile.
When i finally did the shoot 2-3weeks ago, I definitely did not have the motivation to do it, but Yash was kind enough to show up after 15 canceled shoots and my motivation didn’t matter anymore. It was more about addressing a need and hoping the motivation follows suit. It’s coming and going and im now oscillating and that’s something. I’ve had my anti-depressants reduced by 3/4th and at least I’m somewhat awake